The Day My Husband Died, written a year later...

Today was probably the worst day of my life. I had been busy with daily life, as usual. My husband was delivering mail right across the street, but about 1130am, (not sure if that is really the time, but it's the time that sticks in my head) he stopped by to bring me our mail, to kiss me and tell me he loved me. I had NO IDEA what was in store for our lives.

I remember looking at the clock and it said 3:38pm. I was leaving to go pick our daughter up from school and to take her and our son to get a bite to eat. They wanted McDonalds.

I got home at approx 410pm and noticed there was a message on my phone. I listened to it. It was one that I will never forget. It was a message from my husbands work, telling me I needed to call them, that my husband had been taken to the ER, for what was thought to be a heart attack.

I did panic, but calmed myself thinking they had to be wrong, he probably just pulled a muscle somehow, and it felt like he was having a heart attack. I called his work, and was given the number to the Big Boss. I called him. I don't remember much of that conversation. I do remember telling my kids that they were going to stay at my neighbors house whileI ran up to the hospital to check on their dad. My kids would not hear of that, they wanted to go with me. So we went. On my way out, I called my sister to tell her what was going on and she met me there.

I am not sure what time I got to the ER. I remember looking into the faces of the doctor and the nurse, and I remember saying "What? is he DEAD? are you going to tell me he's dead?" The doctor and nurse's eyes and expression told me without them saying a word. My husband WAS gone...GONE...DEAD.... HOW!? WHY?! I had just seen him earlier that day! I was looking forward to him coming home, we were going to watch a movie together, it COULDN'T be true!!!! 

My husbands boss was there, and a couple more showed up, I remember calling my Pastor, who had been performing a wedding, and suddenly he was there with his wife, and I am not sure who else was there, but there were a lot of people there.

I made several phone calls, one was regrettably to my husbands ex mother in law. I didn't want to do that, because it was my husbands wish NOT to let his ex wife know if anything happened to him or if he passed away. (I do have the email from him to his ex regarding this)My husbands ex wife did call me, and was cordial for a MINUTE.

I remember telling my Pastor that I didn't know how I was going to tell my kids, because on the way to the hospital, I had already told them their daddy was going to be ok. My Pastor, with my blessings and in my presence, told my kids. My daughter cried, and so did my son, and my son said, "I'm going to miss him!"

I remember being with my husband and not letting the nurse leave us. I remember just crying and telling my husband to come back to me, rubbing his chest, telling him to wake up, we needed him, he can't be gone, we have PLANS!

I remember when it was time to leave, I was with my husband and my Pastor. I remember the expressions on my husbands face, it looked like he was smiling. I remember my Pastor saying that he didn't know what my husband was thinking, but it sure looked like he was going to say something! I remember bending over to kiss my husband and hug him ,and I looked into his blue blue eyes and said, "I know baby, I love you too"...and then it was time to go.

My sister stayed the night, and I slept not. I thought if I slept holding his work shirt, with his scent, I could sleep, but when I opened the hospital bag, his shirts had all been cut, they didn't even look like shirts. I put them back in the bag, and have not opened it up since.

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