One Last Time


I am almost through reading this book by John Edward. In fact, I am reading the last chapter, it is SO good and I can relate to some of the things he writes about, just like I did in the other book I read by him, that I will post about later.
ANYWAY, he writes that "spiritual energy is around us all the time" that "many of us feel it most intensely immediately after our loved one dies." He says that "sometimes we 'feel' the presence of our loved one in the room and at times there are "coincidences": we think about our loved one and the lights flicker; in a moment of intense grief a meaningful song comes on the radio; at a wedding or a family gathering after the death, we 'see' our loved one in the crowd".
Over the last couple of days, I have really been struggling with my husbands death, even to the point of being mad at him for dying and leaving me to raise our kids alone. (when I told a friend at church about this, she said, "are you still on that?" as if I dwelled on it. It made me a bit upset, because I had never been mad at my husband, but one time I was mad at God) When I read what John Edward wrote,  I could relate. The night before my husbands Memorial service, my sister in law and I were working on a display to put up at the service. Even with all the traffic noise out front, we heard the back door knob of the door my husband always  walked through when he got home from work, jiggle, TWICE. I got chills, and then said, "HI HONEY!" I knew it was my husband. The day of the Memorial service, when my husbands coworkers were arriving at my house after they got off work, my sister and I were looking out the door and window and saw a mail truck drive down the street and the profile of the driver, even the way the driver had his elbow out the window, was EXACTLY that of my husband. I took it to mean he was around again. The songs that come on the radio and even at Church are those that remind me of my husband, I acknowledge him being here and around me.
Today, I have been in a funk. I took down my wedding picture off the wall in my front room. It was in a BIG frame. I also took down the display I had up at Church for his memorial service. The pictures were falling off it already, so I thought it was time. In it's place, I put up a framed picture that says, "Among God's best gifts to us are the people who love us" and underneath that I have the frame of pictures I put together of my kids and I from my daughters 8th grade graduation, but taking down that big frame was really difficult. My kids were at my neighbors house, and I called her to ask her to please keep them there for awhile, because I was not doing too good, and she did.
I SO believe in the afterlife, and I SO believe, and have believed since I was a kid that we have guardian angels with us, and that those loved ones of ours that passed before us are watching over us. The experiences I have had since my husbands passing, and the dreams I have had with him in them also add to my belief.
Earlier in John Edwards book, he wrote that "the fact that spirits no longer have physical bodies to facilitate communication...they have no tongues or vocal cords to pronounce words...and that instead through their energies they place thoughts and sounds in his mind, that he is their mouthpiece" makes sense as to why, in my dreams, I could never 'hear' my husband speak. He would always be smiling, I would see his mouth moving, but I could not hear what he was saying. In my dreams, his boss, Mr. Anderson, was always the one to interpret what my husband was saying to me. Mr. Anderson and my husband were real close and resembled each other a lot.
ANYWAY, I am going to finish reading this book, and then look for the other book I mentioned earlier and write about the similarities there. I was floored, it made me cry, it was like John Edward was doing a reading for me.....

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